I am puke
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize