we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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