I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
