Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Oh god it's open bar.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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