I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
