Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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