he was CRYING into my vagina
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
