Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize
