I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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