I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
