yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
