Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
