I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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