new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
