i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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