Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
