I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
