whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
