guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
