I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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