hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
