he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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