I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
