How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
