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If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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