JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
