I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
