Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
