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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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