the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
