I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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