I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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