Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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