you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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