how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
