Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
