that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
