I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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