there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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