its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
