The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
