Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize