u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
