I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize