I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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