i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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