The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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