he puts the penis in happiness.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
