Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
