So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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