Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
you never un-have a 4some
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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