4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
