Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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