It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
