I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
