My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I will pee on everything he values.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
