i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
