someone get that fucking seahorse.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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