i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
