I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
