Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize