woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
