Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
