I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize