What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
