is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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