Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
