Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
