In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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