How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
