i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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