Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I could make wine with my vomit
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
