Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
