Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
