Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
