He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
