well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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