Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
