Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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