hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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