I wish I could punch you in the face.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
