he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
