if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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