Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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