I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
