We won't sleep together?
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
