I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
